Twenty-four questions to find out where you sit on the spectrum from sunlight-and-real-friends to glowing-rectangle-at-3am.
Your answers never leave your browser. Only the result gets counted, so I can laugh at you weirdos in aggregate, never individually.
Answer honestly. There are no visible categories and no right answers, which is exactly how it catches you.
The Touch Grass Test is a field diagnostic for exactly how terminally online you've become, and how urgently you need to step outside. Twenty-four questions place you on the spectrum that runs from sunlight-and-real-friends to glowing-rectangle-at-3am, with no visible categories and no right answers, which is precisely how it catches you.
Some people come out a Certified Grass Toucher, sunlight recognizes them, their friends have real names, logging off is not a struggle. Most land around One Foot Indoors, healthy enough, one bad weekend from a spiral. And a devoted few reach Terminally Scrolling, or the final stage, Grass Is a Myth, a person for whom the outdoors is now a rumor. So how online are you, really? Twenty-four symptoms stand between you and your diagnosis. Answer honestly, and if the result stings a little, that's the sunlight talking.
Five rungs from sunlight to screen glow. Yours is marked. The rest are where you could have landed, or where you might land next time.
Higher scores mean more time behind glass. Lower means you know what a Tuesday afternoon outside feels like.
Made by one person. No logins, no answers stored.
If it ruined your afternoon, that was the point.
The Touch Grass Index measures how online you are, from Certified Grass Toucher to Grass Is a Myth. It is a loving intervention in quiz form.
Being online is a spectrum, and some of you have not seen the sun since a group chat needed you. This finds out how far gone you are, and whether the grass still remembers you.
Where you can land:
Your answers add up to a score that places you on a ladder from Certified Grass Toucher to Grass Is a Myth. The more of your life happens through a screen, the further you slide. It is a loving intervention with a number attached.
This is for the chronically online and the people who love them, and for anyone who has not seen the sun since a group chat needed them. Take it, then maybe go outside.